


Mirror, Mirror: Broken Glass

by TardisInWonderland



Series: Mirror, Mirror [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV), Stargate Universe
Genre: F/M, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-02
Updated: 2012-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-11 06:06:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/475333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisInWonderland/pseuds/TardisInWonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After getting past her initial dislike of Dr. Rush, Belle becomes more and more interested in him, in platonic and romantic ways. With each other's help, two broken people try to mend their lives and hearts while trapped on the Destiny.</p><p>This takes us through several key tragic events in the series, with a few added moments in between, beginning with Darkness and ending with Gauntlet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tin Bucket in Space

“I know it’s my turn to help with this kind of thing, but… does it really have to be a cargo hold?” Belle groaned. She walked beside Greer into the large room littered with more of the same large, rusted crates that seemed to be in every cargo area. This area of the ship had been deemed safe enough to inspect without spacesuits, and though they were really just taking a poke around, she still didn’t like it.

“Don’t worry- we’re keeping the door open this time.” He smiled reassuringly. “Plus, you could stand a walk around, and this time Rush isn’t here to screw with the computers.” After realizing the room would probably take far too long to search on foot while navigating the maze of stacked boxes, Greer noticed a system of hanging catwalks running across the room. A more sturdy-looking walkway ran along the walls of the room.

Belle climbed up first, testing her weight rung by rung. For being so old, the ship was a sturdy piece of work in most places. The panels on the outer walk were grated, but the long hanging catwalks were made of smooth metal panels. 

She tested her weight on the catwalk suspiciously, but it seemed to hold, even if it was horribly rusted. The view was good from up here, and it was easy to see the layout of the room. When she was sure the walk was going to hold, Belle’s stride grew more confident as she neared the middle of the area.

“What do you see?” Greer asked from the corner. 

“Not much- just a maze of boxes. I don’t see any problems, tho- OH!” there was a loud creak as the panel below her shook and caved inward on unsteady screws.

“Don’t. Move.” Greer cautioned. 

“What am I supposed to do?” she hissed. “This thing’s going to fall at any-” At that moment the panel under her feet gave way, clanking to the floor. Belle was barely able to grab onto the edge of the walk, the flat flooring leaving nothing to hold on to securely.

“Belle!”

“I’m ok!” she called back. _I’m dangling with my toes fifteen feet above the ground, but I’m ok_.

“I’m on my way.” 

“No!” she grunted. “You’ll fall, too.” Her grip was slipping- she barely had a hold on the slick flooring. She could try to jump… if she rolled with the landing it might work. However, there wasn’t any more time to think before her grip was gone completely and she fell towards the floor. Greer called out her name, and she heard urgent footsteps above her, as if running to her aid. Belle was positive that when she landed there was going to be a lot of pain, but she was wrong. There was a rough jolt, and yes, she eventually landed on the floor, but she wasn’t in extreme pain. 

In fact, she was actually in the arms of one Nicholas Rush. 

And honestly, the reason she was on the floor wasn’t from the fall, it was because her legs had given out upon landing. Rush was kneeling on the floor beside her, looking her over and probably asking if she was alright- all Belle was registering was this sort of roaring in her ears and an extreme amount of gratitude.

“Thank you.” She whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck briefly. 

“I never thought the day would come when I’d be glad to see you.” Greer said as he climbed down from the walk, directing his comment at Dr. Rush. “That was a pretty good catch.”

“Yes, well, I was looking for Dr. French- we needed her help back in the control interface room. However, it seems you needed my help here.”

“No more cargo holds.” Belle breathed, shaking her head as she rose to her feet. It was the only coherent thought forming in her mind at this point.

“I think that’s something we can all agree on.” Dr. Rush brushed his hands off, stood, and made for the door. Greer shrugged and motioned for her to go with him.

“Sure you’re alright?” he asked as she turned.

“I’ll be fine.” Belle nodded and hurried after Rush. It took her a moment to catch up with him- the man was always in a hurry. 

“We’ve got a pretty major problem on our hands, Dr. French.” He threw over his shoulder. “The Destiny’s power reserves aren’t looking good.”

“As in… we’re running out of power? Are we even going to make the FTL jump?!” This was possibly the worst thing that could happen. If they ran out of power it would be like a tin bucket floating through space.

“As in there’s been a rather stupid attempt to dial Earth, and at this point, no we’re not!” The sound reverberated through the corridor.

Oh, no. This wasn’t good. Granted, the Colonel was probably right to doubt the motives of Nick Rush, but Belle had learned very early on that it could be a grievous mistake to doubt his logic, especially the times that his logic actually had a sound structure. She’d never seen him this panicked before.

“No, no you’re right. You are right. It was your reckless, pointless attempt to dial earth that lost me the time I needed to solve this problem!” he cried, becoming more frenzied with every movement. Belle could catch the signs of what was about to happen, shooting the Colonel a very clear look.

“TJ, we need you in the gate room.” He said calmly into his radio. Rush didn’t stop carrying on.

“Destiny saved every last ounce of her reserves for life support! I tried- I tried to stop it but I couldn’t. In a few days, this ship will go dark. It will go dark, and cold…” He collapsed to the floor, Belle behind him attempting to slow his fall.

This was very, very bad.

X

It felt like someone had smacked his head with a hammer.

Maybe two hammers.

He didn’t know where he was at first, until two faces swam into view above him- Belle and Tamara.

“Hey.” Tamara said. Nicholas was aware of a pressure on his hand, and realized Belle was holding it, fingers laced through his own.

“What happened?” he tried to sit up, but TJ pushed him right back down.

“You had a nervous breakdown.” She said softly.

“How long was I asleep?”

“About ten hours.” Belle’s fingers moved gently over the back of his hand as she spoke. “And don’t you dare try to argue- you haven’t had any real sleep in months.”

“You’ve probably got a headache.” TJ said. “That’s normal. Judging by what Dr. French has told me you’re going through caffeine and nicotine withdrawal. Right now you just need to sleep.” 

“But-”

“No buts.” Belle said, wagging a stern finger. “You have to rest.”

“Alright. Fine.” He closed his eyes for a moment in what Belle interpreted as exasperation, but in all honesty he was too tired to think of moving at that point. TJ left them, assuming quite correctly that she could trust Belle to make sure he slept.

“Belle, you know we don’t have much time…” he started to try and get up again, but she wouldn’t hear it.

“No, Nicholas. Sleep.” Belle gently pushed a stray lock of hair out of his eyes, still perched on the side of his bed. She stayed there until his eyes closed and his breathing became steady, and she didn’t leave until he woke up and was able to walk out the door with her.

X

Gathered around the shuttle docks, the Destiny’s passengers waited in anticipation for the last three names to be called. Those who wished to have their name taken out of the lottery (presumably only Rush and the Colonel) had already been noted. They stood to watch anyways, if only to see who went and who stayed.

After all, it was nice to know who you were going to die with.

And, in some cases, who you weren’t going to die with.

“Arabella French.”

The sound of the name was a relief to some, and a shock to others. Well, namely, a shock to one person, and that was the person who the name belonged to. She looked over at Nicholas, but he refused to meet her eyes.

“Dr. French?” the Colonel motioned for her to go up the stairs and board the shuttle. In only a few hours they would collide with the star- there wasn’t time to waste, but there was only one problem.

“I’m not going.” Murmurs immediately shot through the room. 

“Dr. French, you need to-”

“No. I’m sorry.” She said, shaking her head. “My name was supposed to be removed from the lottery- I left you a message several hours ago. I guess we must have gotten wires crossed or something, but… just draw someone else in my place, alright?”

Before he could argue, Belle turned on her heel and walked from the room solemnly. She didn’t know where she was going until she made it to her quarters, sliding to the floor with her knees to her chest.

The way she looked at this situation, she was dead as soon as she was put on this ship. It had been a long time since she’d ever harbored any hope of getting home, and if any kind of possibility for that existed, it wasn’t on that shuttle. Belle wasn’t up for starting over again, not this time. 

“Belle?” Rush’s voice came through from the corridor. She hadn’t bothered to close the doors behind her. It took him a moment to see her because she was out of his immediate line of sight, but eventually he spotted her.

“What are you doing?”

“I didn’t want to see their stares.” She admitted. “Did you have something to do with this?”

“No. No, I thought you were leaving.” He still wouldn’t meet her eyes, though.

“Why would I do that?” she asked, incredulous. “Frankly, from the minute were came on board this ship I knew we were screwed. I really don’t care as much about surviving any more if it means I won’t ever see the people I care about again. This ship is the only hope- not that it really holds out much hope now, but...” she stood, took his hands, holding them tightly in her grip.

“You have to understand that I’m keeping my promise. I’m not numb. I’m not disregarding my life… but I’d rather be dead than know that everyone I love is gone forever. I’m not scared to die… well, maybe just not as much as I should be.” Belle thought her argument was valid, actually. He was looking down, at the opposite wall, anywhere but at her face, and in truth it was starting to annoy her. “Why won’t you look at me?”

“Because I don’t know how I’m supposed to be expected to look at you anymore.” Nick’s eyes finally came to her face, and she wasn’t sure what she saw there. “I don’t know what to think when I see you. You know, that was probably the most sound logic I’ve heard in the past several days, and especially out of anyone who wanted their name out of the lottery, but…” he brought up one of his hands to cup her jaw, his thumb making gentle strokes across her cheek. “Belle…” 

He didn’t know what to think. The Destiny was a powerful ship. Even if there was a chance they were going to survive, it probably wasn’t one she would stake her life with. When her name had been called it felt like betrayal. When she’d refused to go he felt like a selfish bastard for wanting her here. 

“Nicholas, why are you really here?” her eyes moved by miniscule amounts, straying over his face and back up to meet his own gaze. She didn’t shrink away from his touch, however. His eyes closed for a moment, as if preparing to speak.

“I-” 

“Dr. Rush?!” Colonel Young’s voice came from the hallway, and they pulled apart quickly. There wasn’t time to talk or acknowledge anything, or even be embarrassed for that matter, because the Colonel was there in three seconds flat. “Eli wants to see you. He’s out on the observation deck.”

“Alright.” Rush nodded. The Colonel walked away and Rush followed him, not casting a glance back at Belle. 

X

“Nicholas?” he looked up from his book, the end of which was proving to be significantly less than mediocre, to see Belle standing in his doorway.

“I thought you’d be out with the rest of them.” He said, closing the volume and putting it on the nightstand with his glasses. He wasn’t really all that interested in finishing it, honestly.

“Any prayers I wanted to make I’ve already said on my own. I prefer if other people don’t observe me during those times.” It was a fair point.

“So why are you here?” Nicholas asked.

“I don’t know how much confidence you’re putting in the Destiny’s systems, but… you shouldn’t have to do this alone. Everyone else is with friends or praying- giving themselves some company or some distractions.” She went over and perched herself on the edge of his bed.

“I don’t have friends here. You should know that by now.” Rush chuckled softly, but it sounded forced and even a little sad.

“You’ve got me.” Belle said, wondering what to make of his statement. 

“Are you sure you want to spend your time with a cranky old scientist?” he asked, looking at her over the top of his glasses.

“No.” she shook her head, smiling sadly. “If this is the time I’ve got left, I want to spend it with someone who matters to me. The other people on this ship seem to be doing the same thing.” Her gaze was steady, honest, and he cracked a small smile. 

“Alright, then.” Nicholas slid over a bit and patted the now vacant spot beside him. “Distract me from our imminent doom.” Even when facing death he was still sarcastic. Belle adjusted herself to sit beside him, laughing despite herself.

“With what?” 

“Anything. Talking. Tell me about something.” He loved to listen to her talk. Most people talked without really saying anything, but when Belle spoke she could say ten minutes’ worth in a single word, even when she rambled.

“I was thinking earlier that Toby and Tina would love to have seen the view from here.” She said without thinking. Her mind was wandering, but perhaps the rambling was good for now.

“Who are they?” Whether he was genuinely interested or if he was just looking for something to pass the time, Belle couldn’t tell.

“My niece and nephew. Toby is the person I learned sign language for, actually. They love hearing about the stars, and I always hated I couldn’t tell them about Icarus…”

“Sorry about that.” For once, Nicholas actually looked apologetic.

“No need.” Belle shook her head slightly. “We’ve been through this once, remember?”

“Quite clearly.” He sighed. “But I owe you more than that. Your life, for one thing. Why the hell didn’t you go with them?”

“I told you that.” She said, settling into the now familiar position of leaning against him with her head on his shoulder. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life without the people I care about most.”

“Surely there’s someone you care about on that shuttle.” Nicholas whispered.

“I don’t really have a lot of friends here. I care about Eli, and Chloe, and Greer. I care about you.” She closed her eyes for a moment, concentrating on the physical feeling of having him beside her, and attempting to ignore the emotional jolt running through her veins. 

“Even though I’m an arrogant ass?”

“You’re not. Not all the time, at least. You just… have to let people see that.” Belle thought of all the teasing and the friendly conversations, and all the things they’d discussed that might make them seem crazy to an outsider. He leaned down to kiss her forehead gently, and Belle looked up into his dark brown eyes, thinking that in the face of the present situation… well, she wasn’t really sure what to do next.

Thankfully, she didn’t have to act first. Nicholas leaned forward tentatively, and she copied his motion until he captured her mouth for a kiss, and then another. It wasn’t the deep, long, or dizzyingly passionate kiss that some couples shared, but it was loving and intoxicating all the same. It felt all too much like a long-lost dream.

“Belle… are you thinking what I’m thinking?” he asked softly, pulling away. Her mind was immediately back on the ship, shaking herself awake. They should have hit the star by now.

“Why are we still alive?” she looked around suspiciously, as if expecting the very walls to give way any second.

“Exactly.”

In the end, there wasn’t an end. They stood on the observation deck and watched as the Destiny flew through the heart of a star and came out on the other side. It was simultaneously the most beautiful and terrifying sight either of them had ever seen.

Life went on, in short, and Belle began to wonder if she’d been imagining things in her near-death experience. The glances she shared with Nicholas were nothing more or less than friendly, and even though he seemed as normal as ever, she wondered if he didn’t think it might have been a dream as well. One day she would ask him. Yes, one day.

Belle was brave, but she wasn’t that brave. Not yet.


	2. Promises and the Letter "L"

Things seemed to be going normally after the issue with the star two weeks ago. However, _normal_ was just a matter of time and routine on this ship, and everyone around here knew it by now.

“Why don’t you ever talk to anyone else?” Belle asked one day. She’d gotten Nicholas to stop for food, and they were eating together at the small table in his quarters.

“I do.” He said defensively.

“You don’t. You talk all the time, but you never _say_ anything, not really. Even I have to weasel it out of you sometimes.” It was a fair point, he supposed. 

“I haven’t really had anyone since Gloria.” He admitted. He hadn’t really allowed himself to get close to anyone since then, besides Mandy, but they had quickly grown apart after he became involved with Icarus full-time. Belle finished her meal in silence, then brought her feet up to sit cross-legged in the chair.

“Tell me about her.” she said quietly. His brow furrowed in confusion or surprise, and she elaborated. “It’s got to be hard, trying to shoulder all that weight on your own.” If he didn’t have anyone, that wasn’t going to be the case any longer, she’d make sure of that.

“She was…” he began, but stopped with a deep sigh. “God, where do I start? She was a musician- she played violin and she loved music.” Belle smiled softly and nodded for him to go on.

“She used to go around the house humming when she was working…”

They stayed like that for three hours, talking and listening in turns. Occasionally Belle would nod or ask a question, but mostly she just listened, letting the story take whichever turn Nicholas wanted it to.

Do most people ask questions like these, she wondered? Does a man’s dead wife normally come up in conversation between two people who had shared a tentative kiss only weeks ago? 

“She died from cancer. It was probably the hardest day I’ve ever had to live.” He looked over at her for a moment, puzzled by the expression on her face. “What? You look like you’re going to say something.” She hesitated a moment before speaking.

“I feel like most people would say they’re sorry, but… I mean, I _am_ , but it just doesn’t… _mean_ much anymore. Sorry is really a pretty useless word, actually. It never compensates enough whenever you need it to.”

“Very true.” Nothing was said for seconds or minutes after that. They simply sat, drinking in each other’s presence like wine, like something to dull the pain… But people aren’t painkillers, and a presence only lasts for so long.

“She sounds wonderful. I would have loved to meet her.” Belle finally said, bringing the conversation to a close.

“I don’t think I’ve talked about her like this to anyone in years.”

“It’s good to talk. I’ve never thought it was healthy to hold things in for too long, especially painful things. They can be a bit of a burden.” She brought her feet down to touch the floor again, thinking that painful things did truly have a weight of their own. Joyful things are easy to carry- they aren’t a burden, they’re a balloon- but painful things weigh down and _change_ your very consciousness, your personality, everything you are.

“Do _you_ have a burden, Belle?” he asked. She looked over, surprised.

“Why do you ask?”

“You’re talking like you understand things that you haven’t gone through or haven’t told me about. You’re keeping something from me.” 

Belle stared for a minute, trying to think about how to respond. She wound up with her hands in her lap, looking down and twiddling her fingers.

“I never told you before, Nick, but… I was engaged twice. The second time you know about- it was love, but not like the first time. Compared to that, it was a sorry excuse for what love could be. When I said before that true love didn't exist, I was lying.” Her eyes followed her fingers. She couldn’t look him in the eye to say this. 

“The first time I was engaged, it started… well, slowly. His name was Aaron Gold, and… I lost him, too. Except, I didn’t lose him to another woman- I lost him to a car accident.” The memory wasn’t raw any longer. It was from before her mother’s death, back when she was nineteen and ready to take on the world. They had only known each other three years, but everything she felt with him had been a new experience, something more _real_ than anything she’d ever had… an experience she was now reliving with Nicholas.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because if there was a medal for world’s biggest hypocrite I’d probably win it hands down.” She sighed, exasperated. She’d never told this story to anyone. Most days she even kept it locked out of her own memory. "I keep it locked away for a lot of reasons, the most important one being that I don’t want people feeling sorry for me. You’re the first person who has really helped me heal.” Belle didn’t cry. She had already cried for far too long. Aaron had wanted her to move on, and she had… and had lost the game again. She was never up for starting over anymore.

“That’s why you hold on to the people you care about so much, isn’t it?” Nicholas asked softly, afraid to touch her. She nodded vigorously. 

“I’m sorry, I know this is coming as a shock to you.” She wasn’t wrong. Belle had always been so full of life- he knew how a person’s memories could weigh someone down, but looking back… it was now apparent why she had fought for her family so much. She cared too much for them and too little for herself, and all the blame went to Nicholas Rush, even though she had forgiven him for it.

She didn’t volunteer any more information, and he didn’t press it out of her. She looked so vulnerable, so… broken. Yes, broken was a very good word. They were both broken, and the only great healer for cracks such as these was time.

“Thank you.” He whispered, face weary with the weight of raw memories. Looking back was never easy, especially for people who hadn’t bothered to do so in years. 

“I didn’t do anything.” She stood, preparing to leave. “Just… get some sleep, alright?”

“One of the most important things I learned from Gloria was that you don’t stop loving people.” He said suddenly, as if as an afterthought. Belle turned back to look at him. “You just find a way to go on, and you make room for other people.”

Belle nodded slowly.

“What are trying to tell me, Nicholas?” 

“I think you’re smart enough to figure it out.”

As she turned and exited the room, some small, sane part of his brain asked him what the hell he was doing. It was a silly little schoolboy’s infatuation, surely. What was that old superstition, though? Infatuation only lasts… how long was it? It would end soon enough- they may have shared a kiss before, but neither of them had acted further, and… well, near death experiences did things to people.

Even before they were locked up in the cargo hold together it had been clear to him that Belle was beautiful, even if she constantly tried to hide it behind slightly oversize clothing and the large round glasses she sometimes wore. She liked to haphazardly put her hair up with objects like pencils and pens, once even using a small screwdriver, and whenever she needed the object currently pinning up her tresses, she would pluck it from her hair and let her dark curls come falling down to frame her face. When she smiled her eyes lit up, and her quiet calm had always been unnerving in a good sort of way, even when she’d harbored a rather obvious, if contained, dislike for him.

If things kept going the way they were, he was either in very big trouble or in very great luck.

X

When the crew came back from checking out the desert planet (really, how many of those things could there be?), Belle was waiting on them. The tension around the ship had been building ever since Colonel Young was accused of murder, and had stretched to the boiling point as the crew went out to explore. So far everyone but Rush and Colonel Young had come back, and Belle wasn’t getting a good feeling about this.

The gate began to dial, the puddle opened, and… only one man stepped through.

“Where’s Rush?” someone asked.

“He didn’t make it.” Colonel Young said, the gate closing behind him. He looked up, eyes meeting the gaze of exactly the person he was hoping _not_ to tell this to face to face.

“What do you mean he didn’t make it?” Belle asked, staring openly. She felt like the ship had just turned upside down, stomach dropping and words choked out.

“There was a rock slide. I was ahead, but… he didn’t make it out.” The Colonel explained. He was almost as bad as Rush had been when Belle first met him- emotionless. Something was wrong, she could feel it. Nick may have been like that, but Colonel Young wasn’t, not at all.

Either way, though, the Destiny was leaving. It wouldn’t be returning here again, and neither would Nicholas.

Many thoughts ran through Belle's brain at once, bombarding her and making coherent speech an utter impossibility, but the most prominent one was that she might as well have lost Aaron again. The pain was just as fresh and raw.

Shortly after the departure she threw up what little food she had in her, cried herself out in her room, tried to go to work, to sleep, _something_. Nothing helped the sharp pain of loss she felt. Eventually she settled on taking a very long, very mindless shower, avoiding everyone who kept telling her to take it easy, or that they were sorry, or asked her was she feeling sick because she didn’t look well. When she threw up again and started running a mild fever, TJ came by to check on her.

“Dr. French?” she asked, poking her head inside Belle’s quarters.

“How many times have I told you people to call me Belle?” she rolled her eyes and smiled, but her heart wasn’t in it. 

“Plenty.” The medic walked over to the chair Belle was sitting in, reading. There were a few papers scattered around the room- calculations they’d been working on. Some were in Belle’s hand, most were not. All were half finished, put to the side in frustration.

“So I heard you haven’t been feeling well. What’s going on?” she took a knee on the floor beside Belle’s chair.

“There’s nothing you can do for me, TJ.” She closed her book slowly and removed her glasses. Her eyes were beginning to bother her a little from her lack of sleep, and she’d finally given into wearing them again. 

“I’m sure there’s something-”

“No.” Belle shook her head with a sigh. “I know it. You know it. Don’t try to hide it from the people asking about me.”

“How did you know people were asking about you?”

“They come by every now and then. Eli comes by most days just to talk. I figured word must have gotten around to you one way or another.” She shrugged.

“I’m sorry. I know you two were close.” TJ stood, giving her hand a squeeze. Belle didn’t blame her for not knowing what to say. There weren’t words for a time like this, and the only people who had ever seemed to truly understand that were Nicholas and Eli, and possibly Chloe. It was nice to have Eli’s company, because he let her talk about whatever she wanted to, never flinching from the subject of Nicholas, but never drawing her into it when she didn’t feel like talking. Chloe had only stopped by once, and only long enough to give her a hug and tell her to call her if she needed her.

“We were, yeah.” Belle mumbled, not knowing what to respond with that wouldn’t make her sound just a little too pathetic for her liking.

“All I can tell you in the way of physical remedies is to make sure you’re eating enough. Don’t push yourself, but don’t sleep too much. Spend some time in the hydroponics dome- get as much sunlight as you can.” Tamara said. The goal here was to try to keep Belle from sinking into a deep depression. To some extent that was impossible, but in a place like this, if they let her slip too far she might not come back. “And talk to someone. Please”

Over the course of the next few days, inquiries about Belle slowed to a trickle, and then stopped. TJ mostly silenced them all by saying that she’d spoken with her and that overall, there just wasn’t much she could do. It wasn’t physical healing that was needed.

There was simply nothing to prescribe for grief.

After that, Belle spent most of her days on the observation deck. No one said a word when she eventually adopted Dr. Rush’s quarters as her sleeping place, though she didn’t actually move any of her belongings in. She didn’t come to dinner most nights, preferring to eat alone, and no one dared talk to her. They just looked at her with these horrible pitying expressions, like they _knew_ , except that they didn’t really know a thing. They thought that she was his only friend, but… now she knew that she wanted more than that. It wouldn’t have been fair to expect it of him, of course. He still looked like an utterly broken man when he even thought about the death of his wife, and she couldn’t blame him for it.

Somewhere in the middle of this thought Belle heard footsteps behind her and turned to see Chloe walking in her direction.

“Hey.” She said, coming over to sit beside Belle.

“If you’re here to tell me that you’re sorry and ask me questions and pretend like he was a wonderful well-loved person on the ship, please don’t. I’m not up to playing that game.” Chloe sat down beside her on the floor, shaking her head.

“I’m not. I just thought you might want some company.” Chloe shrugged and fixed her gaze at the same spot Belle was looking at, out into space.

“Company would be nice.” Belle said after a moment. Her companion smiled sadly. 

“It’s beautiful out here.”

“I never spent too much time out here before. It’s easier to be out here than anywhere else, though. It’s just less… less painful.” Belle leaned backwards to lie flat on the floor, looking out into space. Chloe followed her lead a minute or two later.

“When my dad died… I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to eat, or sleep, or think, or _feel_ anything, but the thing is that it doesn’t work like that. The world keeps going, which is probably the thing that sucks the most. Time doesn’t wait on you.”

Belle nodded understandingly and said a silent thank you for people like Chloe. She was younger than Belle by about six years, but she was intelligent and nice to talk to. Eli had become fast friends with her, and even though they didn’t talk much, Belle considered her a friend. They stared at the shifting colors of the sky, signifying FTL travel, for an uncertain amount of time before either of them spoke. 

“Can I ask you something?” Chloe turned her head away from the sky to look towards Belle.

“I can’t guarantee I’ll answer, but go ahead.” She sighed. It was probably going to be one of those conventional questions- the “You were really close, weren’t you?” or “How long did you know him?” or “What was he like when he wasn’t snapping at people?” Except that the question that came from Chloe’s lips wasn’t any of those. It was almost unsettling, actually.

“Did you love him?” 

“What?” Belle turned to look at her with new eyes. Chloe was smart, but she hadn’t pegged her as the extremely observant type.

“I’m sorry, it’s just… I think half the ship thought you were putting on some kind of show and the other half thought you were sleeping together, but… the way you looked at him… It’s how I look at Matt.” Belle thought this over for a minute before grabbing Chloe’s hand and speaking.

“One of the most important lessons that Nicholas taught me is that love lasts as long as love lasts. It doesn’t stop because that person is dead or gone, or however hard you try to forget them. Real love keeps going, no matter how long. Over time it just becomes less tainted by painful memories surrounding it, and you’re able to let go to a degree. You don’t ever forget, you just make room for loving other people in other ways. So… it’s not that I _did_ love him, not really. It’s that I still do.” Belle sat up, fresh tears coming to her eyes. Chloe threw her arms around her friend, holding her until she stopped shaking.

“I think that was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.”

That was the last Belle talked to Chloe before she was kidnapped several days later.

X

The Destiny had just gotten clear of the alien ships, and patrols were all over the ship looking for any sign that they were under occupation. Everything seemed solid until the circle started forming on the ceiling. However, when the piece hit the floor, it wasn’t an alien that dropped through, but Chloe Armstrong.

And right behind her was a face that none of them ever thought they would see again. 

His legs gave out as soon as they hit the floor of the Destiny. Nicholas collapsed, leaning against a wall for support, as Chloe embraced Matt and Greer simply stared in disbelief, pulling out his radio slowly. To his surprise, it wasn’t Colonel Young that he was calling.

“Dr. French, this is Greer.”

“Copy. What’s wrong?” the sound of her voice was a relief, even altered by the radio.

“If I were you, I’d be getting my rear in gear over to the East hallway. Now.” He said, eyes never leaving Rush and Chloe. “You’re not going to believe this.”

“On my way.”

What felt like an hour was probably only a few seconds later, and Belle’s running could be heard coming towards them. Calls were also made to Colonel Young and TJ, who was coming to check over the two recently returned hostages, but Belle had beaten them there.

“What’s the prob-” she stopped short when her eyes fell on Rush. Her hands came up to cover her mouth, shaking her head in disbelief. Greer smiled at her reaction, cutting a glance at Lt. Scott. She hesitantly walked over to where he was leaning against the wall, still soaked and in the black wetsuit Colonel Young had found him in.

“You’re dead.” She sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

“Clearly someone missed something.” He said softly, giving a small crooked smile. Belle immediately shot forward, falling to her knees to wrap her arms around him. It didn’t matter that he was soaked and exhausted- he was back. Belle’s hands ran across his back, through his hair, kissing his cheek, touching every part of him she could just to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. She was so preoccupied with the fact that this was reality that it took her a minute to realize she was crying.

Rush did his best to quiet her, holding her just as tightly to him. He pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead, either ignoring the other three people in the hallway or simply not caring what they thought.

No one noticed it just then, but Chloe was positively beaming. 

“No more running off, alright?” Belle whispered, tears running down her face. 

“Promise.” He replied, breath tickling her ear. When TJ came a few seconds later, they still hadn’t moved.

X

Belle stayed beside him in the infirmary until he was well enough to walk, and monitored him even more closely than before. Nicholas was strictly limited to 24 hour days, and made to sleep at least eight hours in between. Even a month after his return she hadn’t lifted the restrictions.

He wouldn’t tell her the entire story, but she was able to squeeze out some of the details from him little by little. Most of the pieces about the ship and his captivity were foggy at best, and he refused to divulge much about how he’d actually escaped, but she knew right away… it wasn’t a rockslide. 

“You’re a stubborn one.” Nick sighed at the entrance to his quarters. Belle was forcing him to get some sleep again. She put quite a lot of faith in Eli, which Rush wasn’t inclined to do quite yet, but Belle had always been more accepting of strengths and weaknesses than he was. 

“And you’re a bastard for being kidnapped by aliens.” She teased, tilting her head up to kiss his cheek. His eyes opened just a bit wider, and Belle blushed just a bit. Acting on impulse, Nicholas pulled her just inside the door and kissed her, out of view of anyone who might be passing by in the hallway. Her arms wrapped around his neck, fingers running through his hair. She made a pleased humming sound that shot through him like a drug, mouth leaving hers temporarily to press kisses to her jaw and neck, teeth dragging across her collarbone. 

“Nick-” she breathed, but suddenly there was a cry from the hallway that cut her off. They broke apart and he (reluctantly) left the room to go check, signaling for her to wait here. A look in one direction showed no signs of trouble, but the other was quite a different matter.

A tall, thin, blue alien stood directly in his path, growling monstrously. 

Nicholas tried to cry out, but fear had claimed his voice. He turned to run, and hit a glass barrier head on. Then turned and hit another, and another. The damned thing were dropping out of the ceiling around him! Pounding on the walls did nothing, and still the alien came closer and closer. Water gushed in from all sides, impossibly fast, reaching his ankles, his knees, his waist, his shoulders. Any second he was going to-

Dr. Rush jolted awake and rolled over in bed, sweating and breathing hard. The doors to his room slid open, and he desperately hoped it wasn’t Belle come to check on him again. He didn’t mind seeing her at all, but he didn’t want her to worry.

Plus, there was also the fact that he’d just had a dream involving kissing her and… other things.

“You sneaky bastard.” she said, annoyed. “You’ve caught my disease, haven’t you?” Under her slightly sarcastic manner was a large amount of concern, however.

“I’m afraid I have.” Nicholas sat up, rubbing his neck. Ever since his return from the ship he’d been having nightmares, and his recent run-in with the chair hadn’t helped matters. Up until now he’d been able to keep it from Belle, but… well, she basically had all the proof she needed. 

“Do you want to talk about it, or no?” Belle stood her ground near the doorway, obviously waiting for an answer before deciding what to do.

“No.” he said, shaking his head.

“Ok.”

She ran right over to wrap her arms around him, not caring in the least that he was obviously hot and sweaty, and probably didn’t smell very pleasant. Not to mention that she was hugging an angry, very non-affectionate scientist, and also didn’t care that he probably wouldn’t return her gesture.

It was official. He was losing it.

If he didn’t say something now, he’d probably never get up the nerve again. Here she was, beautiful, brave, brilliant Belle, who had been at a loss for many days after he’d been presumed dead. According to Chloe and TJ she never had quite regained normalcy after that, not until his return. 

“Belle,” he began, gently pulling away so he could look in her eyes as he spoke, hands on her shoulders. “I know… I know we’ve had our differences. But we’ve been through a lot together.” One of his hands slipped down her arm, tracing all the way through the curve of her elbow to rest on top of her palm.

“Yes…” she said slowly.

“There honestly isn’t a good way for me to tell you this-” 

“Nicholas, where is this going?” she wasn’t smiling or frowning, she simply looked… blank. Maybe a little worried, but mostly blank. Nicholas took a deep breath before continuing, steeling himself for whatever reaction she might have. He must have admitted this to himself a while ago- probably about the time he’d seen her running towards him upon his return- so why not tell her now?

It would eat him alive if he didn’t.

“I’m falling in lo-”

“Don’t say it.” She whispered, pressing a finger to his lips. Her blue eyes were wide and she looked almost frightened. “Please don’t say it, not unless you’re sure that you mean it. People have told me that before, and some of them I believed, and some of them I didn’t. I got over it one way or another, but if you say it, then… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go back.” 

He nodded sincerely, grasping her hand and bringing it to his lips. One love had already been ripped away before, and another fiancé had loved her and left her, and he could understand her hesitation in entering a relationship again. She pulled her hand away, looking down into her lap.

“I don’t want to lose you, Nicholas. I don’t want to lose you _again_.” Belle finally looked up at him, complete sincerity in her eyes. “I can’t go through it.”

She would not lose another love. She wasn’t sure she’d survive that. 

Nicholas reached over to run a hand through her hair, brushing the side of her face.

“I won’t say it,” he said, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it.”

Belle wasn’t much of a crier, not unless she was under severe emotional stress, but there were tears in her eyes as Nicholas drew her into his arms, holding her close. She didn’t struggle against him- she didn’t want to. She just wasn’t prepared for promises that might not last and began with “L.”

They fell asleep in each other’s arms.


	3. Mandy

Over the next month, Belle and Nicholas grew to have a healthier relationship than they thought was possible. Surviving an alien attack together was one thing that certainly shook you awake to your feelings. He hadn’t made another move to tell her how he felt, but it was obvious that she was really beginning to warm up to him.

Belle stood beside Tamara when she removed the transmitter from his chest, visibly breathing easier once the thing was over and done with, even if she’d thought he was completely mad when he tried to mutiny against Young. Eventually he’d confessed the real reasons behind that plan, and also confessed that yes, it wasn’t the smartest route. 

When he got out of the chair she’d slapped him, then hugged him so tightly he could barely breathe. Nicholas had opened up even more about Gloria after that. He told her everything that had happened in the chair, slowly but surely. She listened to every story, every encounter, everything that he wanted to talk about as slowly and patiently as she possibly could. 

Rush had originally thought that the trip in the chair would make his feelings for Belle disappear, replaced only by guilt from Gloria’s death, and possibly even infidelity, but… Looking at her now, sitting and listening, and never saying a word… She cared for him, and he knew that, even if she didn’t want to hear the extent of his feelings for her. Everything that she did to try to help him afterwards only made his feelings grow stronger. 

It wasn’t betraying Gloria. It was bringing back the man that he was before her death.

X

Belle was beginning to feel something like a… well, not a third, but more like a fifth wheel. Dr. Amanda Perry had come on board to assist with the FTL engine repairs, and though she was very friendly and pleasant in conversation, she didn’t see Amanda or Nicholas much outside of the work they were doing. The relationship they had in working on the problems basically involved 

Amanda and Belle dealing with the actual engine workings, and the fact that Belle was a physicist was becoming very useful indeed. Dr. Rush mostly crunched numbers, occasionally jumping in to learn some interesting fact or ask questions about the engines.

In fact, Belle had been one of the first to volunteer to switch with Dr. Perry, but Eli and Nicholas had both dismissed that, saying she was indispensable. The only thing was, however indispensable she might be to the work, it seemed she was very dispensable company. She kept telling herself not to take offense- Amanda and Nicholas were old friends, and she was popping in for a visit in someone else’s body- but most of the time she just holed up in her room with a book. Before she’d begun working with Nicholas, Belle had been a rather invisible member of the Destiny’s crew, and she didn’t at all mind returning to that state while Mandy was here.

The only issue with being holed up with a book and trying to be as invisible as possible was that it meant she wasn’t doing things such as eating and sleeping as much as she should, so she constantly became more tired and frustrated. Belle wasn’t one to be particularly frustrated at anyone but herself, but people could tell that she was definitely having a rough time. Her nightmares had never completely subsided, but they returned with a vengeance, and she constantly told herself that no, it had nothing to do with Nicholas. It was simply a phase- a relapse. She’d had plenty of those back at Icarus Base, and there was nothing about this one that was different.

Nothing at all.

X

Sleep would be a welcome distraction from this chaos. The three of them had pulled another sixty hour day, and if she didn’t sleep soon, she was going to go insane. Belle had made sure that Nick and Amanda were actually gone, and then made her way to her quarters. 

She started to turn the corner down the next passage, but immediately stopped and backed up when she saw someone else was already there. Belle pressed her back to the wall in the opposite hallway, positive they couldn’t see her, and took a few deep breaths. She’d picked a very bad time to turn down the hallway…

Belle shook herself, turned, and ran towards her quarters, taking the long way around for lack of anything better to do. There was no way she was going to sleep now, not after seeing _that_.

This was the exact reason why she hadn’t wanted him making promises.

X

“All that time… did you ever know how I felt about you?”

“I thought you were just sorry for me.” Nicholas smiled slightly, an action that he hoped would come off as sympathetic and not… encouraging. Unfortunately, it didn’t achieve the desired effect.  
Mandy hauled him down for a kiss, which was a bit surprising in itself, but also a little… what was the word? Not revolting. It wasn’t quite that, but it was… wrong. It just wasn’t who he was supposed to be embracing, and it wasn’t because they were in different bodies.

“No. No, I can’t.” he pulled away from Amanda gently, seeing the light fade from her eyes. “I’m sorry.” If he wasn’t sure there was no one else in the hallway, he would have sworn he heard retreating footsteps.

After babbling some kind of explanation, Rush took off down the hallway in the opposite direction. For a second there he’d thought he was making the right decision, but in hindsight it was probably just regret. Amanda was smart and beautiful, and she’d just blatantly admitted to having feelings for him, but when he kissed her it didn’t seem right. Of course, she _was_ currently inhabiting Camille’s body, and it wasn’t so long ago that Gloria… facing her death a second time was like being ripped in two.

He would have probably attributed it to that, except the only thing he could think of when Amanda kissed him was Belle. It made him feel awful, in a way, that only a week after reliving the worst day of his life he could be thinking about her like that. In other ways it made him feel… better. Belle made him feel better; more complete, more whole than he’d felt in a very long time. 

Nicholas remembered meeting Gloria, how she’d waltzed into his life, all smiles and hope. He was a different man back then, a teacher and a scientist, a younger man with dreams so big that people thought he was halfway insane for dreaming them. Not Gloria- she’d listened, she’d cared, laughed at his awful jokes and seen him through the death of his mother and father. With her, the attraction had been almost instantaneous, more automatic and natural than anything he’d felt. When she died, it felt like part of him had died with her.

Mandy had been there at the beginning, when he truly needed her for help and support. He realized now that at one point, yes, he must have loved her dearly, whether he realized it or not. The attraction had been so slow, so innate, so different from his initial meetings with Gloria or the polar opposite of Belle he’d been at the start. She’d been intelligent company and support in his darkest hour, and he had tried his best to return the favor, but now, billions of light years away from home, everything that Mandy embodied had faded away. 

And then there was Belle. She hadn’t tried to help him, hadn’t tried to make herself known. On the contrary, she’d absolutely detested him, but he admired her for being civil about the whole matter now that he looked back. Belle had gotten a bad hand in life in many ways- she’d lost her mother to cancer, watched her slip away slowly like he’d watched Gloria die, though he doubted Belle would have let her mother spend her last days alone. She’d lost her love to a car accident, lost another not-quite-love to someone else, but clearly the sting of rejection was still there. She talked about things that only a person in their situation would be able to understand, and over these last months he could see that they’d been helping each other to heal. The scars were still there, and he couldn’t ever imagine living without them, but perhaps over time it would become easier to carry them with him. 

Gloria had been the first- the first time for everything, really, and he’d been whole and mostly unscathed by life when he met her. Mandy had bounced into his life after her accident, and knew what it was like to be broken, though hers was a physical ailment. They had pulled each other through, like life support, like the last line of survival, and for that he was eternally grateful, but… he was still a broken man. Now he could only think of the woman who had, despite her own anger and resentment, opened herself up to a bitter old man in an oxygen-starved cargo hold. The woman who was beautiful, and brilliant, and more brave that he could ever hope to be. The woman who he had utterly betrayed in the hallway with Amanda, and that fact was eating him alive. It had been their mutual scars that brought them together, but that wasn't what was keeping them that way. There was something else there, just under the surface, and after their reunion he was positive that she felt it, too.

No, he wasn’t _falling_ in love with her- the act had already been done. He was _hopelessly_ in love with her.

His feet were carrying him towards her quarters, and he didn’t even notice. The doors were closed, but opened upon his knock. Belle’s lips were slightly swollen, her eyes slightly clouded over. Her expression was hard to read for the most part, but she actually looked like she was debating closing the door on him.

“Belle,” he began, but stopped after flipping on a light switch, scanning her face. She cursed the fact that her skin turned red so easily when she cried. It had only been a minute or two, and she’d forced herself to stop for that very reason. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Belle said, sniffing. “I’m fine. What did you need?” her manner was casual and composed. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the physical changes he wasn’t sure he’d have noticed, except that she was sniffling every so often.

“I think we established a while ago that you’re a horrible liar.” Rush tried to reach out to touch her, but she tensed, backing away. That was when he knew for sure there was something wrong. Belle was a hugger kind of person- she didn’t mind touching other people or showing physical signs of affection among people she liked. They’d been sharing touches like that for months.

Oh, God.

The footsteps in the hallway. Belle had left right after them, and that hallway was the fastest route to her quarters. She must have gone the long way around afterwards, but she probably saw them. Realization transformed his face, but Belle didn’t break her gaze.

“It’s fine. Really, I’m fine.” Her performance was rather convincing, actually, but she bit her lip when she wasn’t talking, a bad habit that meant she was nervous or stressed.

“It wasn’t-”

“Nicholas, please don’t tell me that it wasn’t what it looked like, or you’re sorry, or whatever you’re about to tell me.” She said. It sounded like she’d done this before- he remembered her saying that her fiancé had cheated on her. He was probably getting a slightly altered version of the same speech. “I’m a big girl. I can handle when my affections aren’t re-”

Nick placed a hand at the back of her neck and pulled her in for an urgent kiss, wrapping his other arm around her waist to pull her in closer. Belle had to fight not to give in right then. She broke away after a moment, but he kept his hold on her waist, meeting her gaze.

“Please don’t…” she said, shaking her head. “Whatever you’re going to say… don’t. I’ve heard it all before. If you don’t want me, then that’s fine, but do me the courtesy of not leading me on any longer.” Clearly there was no acceptable argument to make here, not with someone who had experienced this before. There was, however, one last lifeline he could take. One last thing to tell her.

“You must have heard me tell her no.” That struck a chord. She looked suspicious, but she was definitely listening now.

“You said it was because of Gloria.”  
“Belle, I don’t even halfway remember what came out of my mouth back there!” he risked running a hand through her hair, eyes never leaving her face. “All I know is that when she kissed me I couldn’t think about anything but you. How it didn’t feel right touching someone that wasn’t you. How you would feel if you saw that.”

“We see how well that worked out.” Belle scoffed, but her ground was crumbling. There was something in his eyes that told her he meant what he said. Dr. Rush had always been a sincere person when you could get him to speak his mind, and looking closer it was easy to see that his eyes were filling with tears. She wanted to believe him… but at the same time, this was just another repeat of several years back- Gaston had told her he loved her, and then… well, _this_.

“On the day that we flew into the star, when the ship went dark- I know you remember- when I kissed you, did you think that was just a fluke? That night when you came to check on me because I was having nightmares? I can’t get you out of my head, and trust me, I’ve tried.” Nick’s brown eyes were soft, boring into her own blue eyes with an emotion that she hadn’t seen directed at her since she was nineteen. “You know what I tried to tell you before. Please, Belle.” He whispered, and the last of her resolve was gone. 

“Just... prove it to me.” That was all she wanted- proof. Real, true, solid proof. Nicholas reacted almost immediately, pulling her close and pressing her up against him like he never wanted to let go of her again. He kissed Belle’s forehead gently, and she buried her face in his neck.

He held her for who knows how long before she relaxed, her breathing slowing to a soft, steady rhythm. Belle could hear his heartbeat, her head against his chest, feeling more content than she ever had in many years. The gesture was so simple, but so incredibly intimate, and it was clear he wasn’t letting her go any time soon. Nicholas slowly pulled her face towards his for a slow, lazy kiss, which she returned hesitantly. _Hopefully_. He wasn’t urgent, wasn’t trying to satisfy a hunger or desire for anything except _Belle_. It lasted only seconds, but it felt like a lifetime.

“Nicholas…” Belle murmured against his lips, pulling back away slightly. “You’re sure this is what you want?” she asked. He thought for a second, trying to come up with an answer that would accurately explain everything. The only issue was… it was something that she didn’t want to hear.

“I would tell you, but you said for me not to.” Nicholas stroked her hair gently, one arm still wrapped around her waist.

“I said not to make promises you can’t keep.” She corrected. “I don’t want to hear it unless you’re ready to commit to it.”

“You told me you didn’t want to lose me. Trust me, love. You have me, completely, and freely, and for far longer already than you think.”

Belle bit back a small sob, tilting her head upward to kiss his cheek.

“I love you, Belle.” Nicholas whispered. She immediately tensed in his arms, trembling slightly. It was terrifying- absolutely wonderful and beautiful and right, but completely terrifying, because the second that he said those words she knew there was no going back.

“I love you, too.”

X

“Belle, check those calculations, please.” Nicholas shoved a notepad into her hands and frantically went to the other computer. They were working as fast as they could to fix the problem, but they were running out of time.

“They’re fine.” She said, after looking them over. “If these numbers are sound it shouldn’t be too hard to bypass the systems for the FTL drive. That robot should have an easy job.”  
Suddenly there was a boom from outside, and the ship seemed to shudder. Belle cursed, and Mandy shot her a confused look.

“What’s going on?!” she asked, slightly panicked. Nicholas jumped to the screen to check the readings from outside.

“We’re under attack.” He said. “We’ll never make it out of this if we can’t jump!” Belle was about to rush out of the room to go looking for the Colonel, but Young was coming through the doorway at that moment, just as another blast shook the ship.

“James.” He said. “The aliens got to her somehow.” As Young babbled through an explanation of exactly what was going on, the explosions only got worse. Someone had to sit in that chair, and they were going to have to do it soon.

At the end of the day, all they could say about it was thank God for Dr. Franklin.

X

Mandy left a few days afterwards.

Belle did her best to seem cheerful around her, regardless of her feelings for Nicholas, but every time she looked at her, she saw the kiss in the hallway. She couldn’t blame Amanda, though. It had always been Belle’s opinion that love wasn’t something you chose, it was something that you happened upon. You could go looking for it all you wanted, but chances are that even if you go looking for it, it’ll still surprise you. 

Rumors went around about Dr. Rush and Dr. Perry, but never anything about Dr. Rush and Dr. French, which they were both eternally grateful for. The ship had probably gotten so used to Belle watching Nick’s every move that they didn’t suspect every kind gesture was meant to be romantic any longer, especially after the rumors about Dr. Perry started. If Belle or Nicholas heard them, they quietly silenced the stories, but never provided any information to suggest that they were involved romantically.

Healing is a slow process. If being together was like medicine, there was no point in speeding it along or letting other people know, otherwise they might risk not healing at all.

They started sharing a bed, putting to rest most of the nightmares and sleepless night, and several times shared more than just kisses, waking up in a tangle of limbs and sheets. On nights when Belle woke from nightmares, he would hold her until she calmed down, and eventually even managed to coax the dreams from her.

“I told you about the car accident.” She said softly. “But I was in it. I was in the passenger seat, and I survived.” It was a secret that she hadn’t told anyone outside her family. Her former fiancé hadn’t even been able to get it out of her. Sometimes she relived those events in her dreams, over and over, and it never got any better. Ever since she met Nicholas- ever since she’d become _attracted_ to Nicholas- they’d returned every now and then. It was like some invisible force didn’t want her falling in love.

Lying beside her on the mattress, Nicholas didn’t say anything for a long time. He knew her feelings about love, and she had a very good reason to be scared about it.

“I’m sorry, love.” He finally said, kissing her forehead. “I can tell you that I’m not going anywhere, though.”

Belle spent the rest of that night as close to him as physically possible, hearing his heartbeat as she dozed. The nightmares hadn’t returned since.

Sometimes Nicholas would talk about Gloria. This was a different matter from Amanda altogether for Belle. She didn’t feel exactly jealous of Mandy- it was more along the lines of betrayed. Dr. Perry was a nice person, but it should have been obvious to her that something else was going on. Gloria… Gloria was a lost love, and there wasn’t anything that cut as deep as a lost love. Belle couldn’t bring herself to feel anything but love for Gloria, and even loss. That was the type of relationship they had, she supposed, the most open kind that there could be. They were two people who had pasts that they’d rather forget, and somehow in the middle of it all, they’d turned into lovers.

Eventually, though, some of the ship’s occupants began to be suspicious.

“Dr. French!” Camille flagged her down in the hallway, and Belle turned to her with false cheer. She wasn’t a bad person, but she was the type to only hunt you down if she wanted information.

“Is there a problem?” Belle asked, slightly confused.

“No, it’s just… there have been some rumors going around about you and Dr. Rush…” Ah. Now things were making sense.

“And you want to know if they’re true.” Belle sighed, walking just a little faster. She’d known the rumors were around, but she wasn’t about to deny or confirm them. Frankly, she didn’t care if people knew, but Nicholas was a little worried about the reception of the relationship for her sake.

“I just wanted to make sure that you’re thinking this through.” Camille kept pace with her down the hall as she walked to the control room.

“I’m sorry- thinking _what_ through?” Belle suddenly stopped and turned towards her. If she was going to ask questions about her personal life, at least ask them outright.

“You do realize he’s old enough to be your father, right?”

“I really don’t think that’s any of your business.” she said as gently as she could manage. She had already had this conversation with Nicholas, and finally convinced him that she didn’t care about how old he was. This was actually the reason he was worried about the reception. Chloe had accepted and even encouraged them, but she was the only one who “officially” knew anything, and she was more open-minded than a lot of the other occupants of the Destiny.

“I’m just concerned-” Camille began, but she didn’t get any farther than that.

“You don’t need to be. My relationship with Dr. Rush is my business, and whatever I choose to do or not to do with him. I realize you’re concerned, but this doesn’t involve you.” She took a deep breath and went back to walking towards the control interface room, leaving Camille behind in the hallway.

She slipped her glasses on with a huff. Her eyes were alright today, but she felt like she needed to do something with her hands, since she obviously wouldn’t be able to concentrate on the numbers in this state. What bloody business of it of theirs was it if she had a relationship with Nicholas?

“What’s wrong?” Eli asked, looking up from his work. Brody was off shift now, so it was just the two of them, though Nicholas should be coming in at any moment.

“What do you mean? I’m fine.” Belle said.

“No you’re not.” Dr. Rush walked in behind her. Speak of the devil. “You only wear your glasses when you’re not sleeping well or you’re upset, and it’s obviously not a sleep issue.” Belle hoped desperately that Eli wouldn’t read deeper into that comment, but he seemed to be pretty much ignoring them.

“Just… nosy people.” She grumbled.

“Oh, lord,” Nicholas said, rubbing his eyes, “Is it about-”

“Yes.” Belle snapped, a bit more harshly than she’d intended.

“Oh, is this about those rumors that you’re sleeping together?” Eli asked. Belle and Nicholas both turned towards Eli, incredulous expressions on their faces.

“Well, you’re ever the tactful one, aren’t you?” Nicholas rolled his eyes.

“What? You’re _not_?” Eli asked, putting aside whatever he was doing for a moment. When no one responded, he continued. “I mean, it seemed pretty obvious to me, but I’m around you guys like, fifteen hours a day.”

There was a beat of silence, and then they had company again. Volker waked through the doors, humming, but stopped when he saw their expressions.

“What’s everybody talking about…?”


	4. Relapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this chapter was one of those that basically had me going "Well... they know this already. How does Belle change this?"  
> In short, it wasn't my favorite to write, but it had to be done. Next up is Malice, the Twin Destinies arc, then moving into the general Novis arc.

_“Nick?”_

_Running, running so fast, but he couldn’t get away. They were closing in, every second they came closer to him.  
“Nicholas?”_

_He wasn’t going to make it._

_“Wake up!”_

_Dr. Rush jolted awake, eyes wide open. He was looking at the metal ceiling of the Destiny, and turned slightly to see Belle staring down at him. His arms reached out of their own accord, drawing her down to lie next to him. She kissed his cheek softly, relaxing into his grip._

_“I’m sorry for startling you.” Belle whispered. “I just didn’t know what else to do.”_

_“No, I’m glad you did. I’d much rather be awake.”_

_“Still the same?” she asked, closing her eyes again. She would probably spend the rest of the night locked in is arms, actually, but Belle didn’t mind._

_“The same.”_

_It was always the same. The aliens were after him in one way or another, and no matter how many times he might have the nightmare it would always seem so real. No matter how many times he woke to Belle’s arms, he could never stop them. Belle’s awful dreams, she said, were the opposite. She knew it was a dream the whole time, and all she could do was watch and relive it from some place outside her own mind. On a good day she might even be able to wake herself up._

_Nicholas didn’t tell her, however, that he woke three times that night, and two of the dreams were not about aliens. He was walking, but he was a passenger in the body, unable to control where he was going or what he was saying. There were a few men standing outside a van, and he was feeding them crucial information about Destiny and her systems. He turned to leave after the job was done, catching a glimpse of his reflection in the van’s rear view mirror... He was Colonel Telford._

That was a week ago.

X

“Alright, the gate room is sealed.” Eli said. “When they come, we’re ready.”

“What about Telford?” Brody asked, casting a glance towards where Telford-Rush was speaking to the Colonel.

“I don’t know.” He admitted. The Colonel probably had some kind of plan up his sleeve, but if he did he hadn’t told anyone. Belle had been kept as in the know as possible, but even she couldn’t tell them much. They had actually only told her what was going on for her sanity’s sake- seeing your loved one suffocating and then being revived isn’t a thing that comes without questions.

Eli went off the kino room to try to gather some information on the Lucian Alliance, while Belle, Brody, and Volker double-checked the ship’s defenses. Everything seemed sound, but none of them felt prepared when the ship finally dropped out.

“Alright, we’ve got incoming.” Brody murmured, pulling up readings from the gate. People were definitely coming through. 

All the civilians had been confined to their quarters for their own safety, but even that wasn’t guaranteed. Any moment now they would begin to vent the air from the gate room.  
Belle was on pins and needles, pacing back and forth, waiting for some kind of sign that Nicholas was back in his own body. She didn’t want anyone to die, and had stood with Camille on her diplomacy plan, but… today, she was feeling slightly selfish. If someone was going to die, she didn’t want it to be Nicholas.

Colonel Young spoke into the intercom, addressing the Alliance members. Belle heard it as a sort of roaring in her ears, aware of the fact that he was speaking, but not what he was saying. Telford-Rush shook his head slightly, like he was clearing a fog or coming out of a daze. In an instant she had made note of the motion and registered what it might mean, walking over to him slowly.

“Nicholas?” 

He turned, taking in the room, noting where he was at and who was there, and nodded slowly. Belle sighed, relieved, pulling him to the side so they could talk.

“Belle- ah!” Nicholas cried out as she promptly slapped him. It was probably going to leave a red mark for a while, too. “Ok. I probably deserved that one.” He admitted sheepishly.

“Don’t you _ever_ do that to me again. If you go off somewhere, you tell me exactly what you’re doing, or as much as you possibly _can_ tell me. I don’t want to see you dead on the floor of the ship- _do you have any idea how scared I was?!_ ” her voice had unintentionally risen in volume, and a few people were staring.

“I’m sorry.” Nicholas whispered. “I don’t know what else to say, but-” his last words were muffed by a kiss from Belle.

“You may be a genius sometimes, but I swear you’re an idiot. _Don’t_ do it again.” She rolled her eyes and went back to whatever she’d been doing at the computer screens.

“Well, looks like Rush is back.” Volker muttered. 

“Uh oh.” Belle said, squinting at a few numbers on the screen. “We’ve got trouble.”

“What kind of trouble?” Young asked, coming over to glance at the numbers flying across her screen.

“They’re opening the doors. This is bad- this is very, very bad.” Belle tapped on a few keys, trying to figure out exactly which parts of the ship they might be able to access. “They’re spreading out. I don’t think they’ll go too far just because their numbers aren’t as extensive as they’d like us to think, but… basically locks are useless. Why didn’t we vent the gate room again?”

Several heads turned towards her, confused. They were probably wondering how she could’ve missed it. 

“Sorry.” She muttered. “I was chastising someone.”

“We decided to try the diplomatic route to avoid costing Rush or Telford their lives.” Camille explained. She hadn’t been there earlier, but must have made her way to the room during the Colonel’s broadcast. 

“What happened to Eli and Chloe?” Young asked.

“We don’t know.” Brody checked the readings for the kino room, but it seemed empty. “It’s like they disappeared.”

“We’ll have to manage without them for now.” Rush said, all business. “If they’ve expanded into the corridors, it means they’ve got hostages. It’s all a waiting game now.”

“A waiting game?!” Camille looked outraged. “You can’t seriously be willing to gamble with the lives of those people!”

“I’m not!” Nicholas snapped. “I’m simply saying that sooner or later, they’re going to get impatient, and if we don’t act on this quickly, _people are going to die_. Now, I’m going to guess that Scott and Greer have secured hostages of their own. It’s all politics from this point out, Camille.”

“How can you be so cold about this?” she snapped. Belle almost opened her mouth to contradict her, but Nicholas was faster.

“If Belle were hostage with them I would be doing the exact same thing. You want to save their lives, you’ll play the game. _Understand_?”

X

“Belle!” Volker called, waving her over. “Get a lock on this- someone’s activated a panel.” She left her position beside Rush in favor of seeing what was going on.

“Already on it!” Brody said. “Looks like Telford and the gang are going around the back way to try to get to us.” He was still tapping on keys, people rushing around the control interface room, when the power flickered. 

It was a short loss, but it was disturbing enough with the situation they had going. Destiny was an extremely advanced ship- power loss meant extremely bad news. 

“Crap.” Brody mumbled. “Let’s add that to the laundry list of thing we have to figure out.”

“Nick and I will take it.” Belle offered. “You two keep trying to figure out a way to log their movements and figure out what the hell is going on over there.” Dr. Rush shrugged and moved over to the last of the four main computer screens in the room. This was probably going to take some time, but Belle was right- even having four people on the job rather than two wouldn’t make a lot of difference, especially at the cost of losing information about what was actually happening outside those doors.

“What the hell was that?!” Colonel Young burst into the room, fuming. 

“We don’t know.” Belle said, trying to remain calm for all their sakes. “We’re working on it, but it was almost like a freak outage- it’s hard to trace.”

“Well, find out!” Young was gone again before any of them could comment, and Belle simply sighed.

“He’s worried. Give him time.” She said, casting a glance towards the way he’d walked.

“We don’t have time.” Nicholas muttered. “I found what’s causing the problem.”

X

Some hours later, Belle pointed to a star chart of the area near Destiny. She and Rush hand managed to isolate what the problem was, but the discovery brought more questions than answers.

“It’s called a binary pulsar, and it’s emitting gamma radiation and x-rays that are off the charts. The blasts are huge, and Destiny is diverting power to the shields to keep us from being roasted alive.”

“So what happens when we run out of power?” Young asked.

“We die.” Rush muttered. “FTL won’t engage for some reason. We’re working on fixing it, but it’s going to take time.”

“How long do we have?” Camille asked, biting her lip. 

“Two more blasts and people start dying.” Belle said. “They come at regular intervals, so we have about an hour and forty minutes.”

Camille and Young immediately launched into a discussion with Greer and Scott about what to do with the Lucian Alliance members. It would probably be best to make them aware of the situation- Camille argued that they could survive if they worked together, but going out alone was risky.

The science team simply kept working on the problem at hand, Rush and Belle working frantically to fix the FTL drive while Brody worked on the shield problem.

“Hello?” a voice suddenly came through the intercom. “This is Eli. Can anyone hear me?”

“Holy… Eli?” Brody checked the map, making sure that the location on Eli was correct. “How the hell did you get down there?” 

“Doesn’t matter. Listen, Chloe is hurt, and there’s something going on with the power-”

“We know.” Dr. Rush said. Explaining things was becoming a bit redundant, but he talked him through the pulsar scenario anyways. Thankfully, Eli actually knew what a binary pulsar was, so there was less explaining to do.

“I think we found a way around the shield issue, though.” Brody said. “The shields on the side facing the pulsar are shot, but the shields on the side away from the star are fine. If we can transfer the power there, it’ll buy us time.”

“Time is good.” Belle said, nodding. “But how do we do that? We don’t have access to the core systems-”

“Manually.” Nicholas said suddenly, pulling up a map of the ship’s exterior. “We do it manually. There’s a spot out on the hull that we can do it from, but we’d need volunteers and we’d have to go through Kiva’s territory.” Belle groaned. 

This was going to be tricky.

X

“What’s going on?” Brody asked. “Why did the transfer stop?”

Kiva had demanded control of the ship and Colonel Young as a hostage in exchange for letting Scott and Greer come and fix the shields, but Telford was transferring the power back to Rush, Brody, and Belle in a different control room. Apparently something had gone wrong- or worse, Telford had been caught.

Scott and Greer, thanks to some quick thinking from Eli, had made it inside the ship before the blast, successfully resetting the shields. Prisoners were sent through the stargate, down to a planet below. They were safe from the radiation, and not quite stranded, not yet. However, they were still pushed for time, and the tiny group of people sitting around computers could possibly be the last line of defense against the Lucian Alliance.

“I don’t know.” Belle scanned over the screen for a second before rising, but Nicholas immediately put a hand on her arm.

“I know what you’re thinking, and I’m not letting you leave this room.” He shot her a look that very clearly stated that he meant what he said. Belle was the type to go out and investigate, but if he could help it she wouldn’t be out of his sight until this whole thing was over.

“So what are we going to do about the FTL?” Belle asked. “We’ve got it working, but we have no control. We’re stuck in a stalemate!”

“Not for long.” Nicholas said. “The transfer didn’t complete, but we still have control over some of the ship’s systems.” He didn’t bother to explain farther before starting up a programming sequence.

“You guys there?” Eli’s voice came through the intercom, and Brody responded.

“Yep, we’re here. Are Scott and Greer with you?” 

“Yeah, they’re fine. But why are we losing shield power? Are you guys doing that?”

“That’s me, yeah.” Nicholas said, slipping his glasses on. Belle stared for a minute, unable to think what to say.

“Are- are you crazy?!” she leaned over his shoulder to look at the screen. Shields were dropping in power, and it looked like… he was disabling the FTL?

“Why would you do that? Are you _trying_ to cook us all?” Eli sounded scared even over the radio. Rush continued to work, but explained his plan.

“Listen to me. The pulsar levels the playing field- it’s dangerous to us both. If they want to live, they’ll have to work with us. They should notice the shields dropping soon.”

“What about the people on the planet?” Brody asked. The Lucian Alliance had taken the hostages to a planet in range of the gate with the intentions of leaving them there. the only good thing coming of it was that they were also out of harm's way from the pulsar.

“We can go back for them once we gain control of the ship again. Anyways, we’re not going to jump until I enable the FTL drive again, so they’re fine.”

“So now we wait?” Belle asked, eyebrows raised. She didn’t like waiting- it wasn’t her thing. She preferred action, especially when anyone tried to prevent her from acting (even if they were concerned for her safety).

“Now we wait.” Nicholas confirmed with a nod. It only took a few minutes before a call came through.

Oh, they prattled on for a few minutes about not wanting to sacrifice their own people, but Belle kept her mouth shut and listened. And prayed. Lots of praying.

In the end, it worked out that a female voice- not Kiva’s- took over the radio and accepted the offer to surrender. Everything was over rather quickly, resolved faster than it had begun. The only problem was… it wasn’t over, not yet. Not for Belle.

X

“Nicholas…” Belle said that night, perching on the edge of the bed they shared.

“What’s wrong, love?” Nicholas sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist gently. Belle was deeply troubled tonight- he could tell by the look in her eyes.

“You… the things you said today… You really scared me.” she didn’t know how to put this other than very frankly. “I haven’t heard you talk like that since before we were... _this_.”

“I didn’t mean most of it.” He said with a sigh. “But that doesn’t make it any better, does it?” Belle shook her head sadly. Words were something that were permanent, unfortunately. 

“I don’t think you meant them back then, either. Nicholas, I don’t want… I don’t want everything we’ve done…” she didn’t have to finish her sentence. Both of them knew where this was going.

Everything that they had done together was helping them heal. Oh, of course they still had little scars- the occasional nightmare, the too harsh words spoken in anger, but Belle knew better than anyone what pressure could do to someone in their situation.

She was trying to keep him from turning back into the bitter, callous man he was around everyone but her. It used to be his way, his _life_ , but now it was more like a shell, a persona he wore around everyone but Belle. Spiteful words only went so deep and came so often, and people could tell that he was changing for the better. No one knew the extent of this change, however, save the woman he spent his nights beside, and no one else would know when the alarm bells were going off for a relapse.

“Nick,” Belle reached up, running her fingers through his hair tenderly. “You can’t shut off. I know it’s what you do, I know you’re trying to protect yourself, but you can’t do it. I _can’t_ be the only person you ever show yourself to- it’s not healthy.”

“It’s habit.” He shrugged, drawing her closer. “It’s just habit by now.”

“Don’t do this to yourself.” Belle whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Please. You’re not going to lose everyone you love, Nick.”

“Neither are you.”


	5. Malice

Belle was pacing again.

It was actually beginning to get on Eli’s nerves. She would finish her calculations extremely quickly, check the work ten times over, find them correct, and then return to pacing back and forth in the middle of the control interface room. She wasn’t always this inconsolable when Dr. Rush was out on a mission, but today was different.

Today Dr. Rush and Colonel Young were trapped on a small spaceship of unknown origin, and Destiny was quickly moving away from where they were. Belle was waiting on any form of communication to see what they could do about that, and thankfully she hadn’t been at it for five seconds before the screen blipped into life.

“Belle? Where are you?” Nicholas waited patiently, knowing his view of the room was limited to what was directly in front of the screen. 

“Hello to you too.” Eli muttered, but he was really just glad to see a slight bit of relief of Belle’s face as she made her way towards the monitor.

“What’s going on?” she asked, frantic. “We’re moving away from you and we don’t have control over the engines-”

“I know, I know.” He said softly, like a mother soothing a child. “Belle, listen to me. We can fix this, but you have got to calm down and think first.”

Belle stopped, took a deep breath, and forced herself to stop fidgeting. She was only wasting energy. In high school theatre they had constantly talked about being a performer, about using your adrenaline to help you focus and not to make you flutter around like a trapped bird. Though that bit of advice had never seemed to have any practical application, she needed it now more than ever.

“Ok.” She said slowly. “What do we need to do?”

X

Alright, to be honest, when she asked what they needed to do Belle had not expected Amanda Perry to be part of the equation. She was perfectly capable of running the algorithms herself, and so was Eli, but apparently Nicholas had other plans. Dr. Perry, in the body of Ginn (a slightly-more-than-friend to Eli), worked through one algorithm while Belle tackled another, and then traded off to check calculations. After running six or seven of them, Belle began to notice a pattern.

It was… no.

A map? A guide? Was Nicholas trying to take them somewhere? 

Amanda hadn’t noticed yet, which posed the problem of how to tell her without alerting Eli. Nicholas was smart- if he wanted them to know something he would have pulled a trick like this. Tearing off a scrap of paper, Belle decided to go for the most direct approach and scribbled out a message.

_Make an excuse to leave and meet me near the cafeteria. Important._

Mandy raised an eyebrow, but didn’t question it once she saw the look on Belle’s face. She mentioned that she was going for food and asked if anyone else wanted anything, then was out the door. Belle said something about the bathroom and followed a minute or two later, papers in tow.

“What’s going on?” Mandy asked, worried.

“Look at these numbers.” Belle pointed to several of them, forming a sequence. “They’re a pattern. And if you apply them to the ship they make a map.”

“So you think he’s taking us somewhere.” She said slowly, looking at the chicken scratch numbers with new eyes.

“I do. And I think that’s why he wanted you here.” It was the only possibility that made sense. If he was taking them somewhere that he didn’t want the others to know about, he would have brought in Dr. Perry because he trusted her. Belle and Amanda were perhaps the only two people in the world that had Dr. Rush’s trust.

“So where are we going?” Amanda asked, checking to see if anyone was listening. The numbers were complete, but Nicholas hadn’t called back yet, much to her dismay. There was nowhere left to go but onwards. Belle smiled, shaking the papers slightly.

“Want to find out?”

The path took them down a series of twists and turns, double backs, and all manner of maneuvers that Belle was positive were meant to throw people off if anyone else had the same suspicion. However, near the end of the series they found a path taking them away from the main part of the ship, fighting the urge to cheer in triumph as they stepped into… something. 

The room was large and domed, with railings and a captain’s chair that looked like something out of Star Trek. Large doors could close and lock if need be, sealing them all inside. Belle and Mandy came to the conclusion at the same moment, glancing at each other before whispering the same word.

“Bridge.” Nicholas must have found it, but why wouldn’t he tell her? It gave Belle an unsettling feeling, knowing he’d been keeping secrets, and it was something she would have to grill him for later. For now, there was a voice coming over the intercom.

“Belle? Mandy? Anyone there?” 

Amanda found the button to respond and answered back- yes, they were here. No, no one knew. Yes, everything is alright. No, we don’t know what the hell we’re supposed to be doing.

“I need you to turn the ship around.” He said, sounding like he was on the verge of panicking. “You can do it- you’re both smart, but the two of you together can do it without a problem.”

“Ok, then.” Belle muttered, then spoke to Nicholas again. “We’ll make it happen, just hang on.” She was holding on to every rational thought she possibly had, and in her mind she was screaming _I love you, we’re coming, just_ please _hang on_.

However, that wouldn’t look very good at all in front of Amanda, who had settled into one of the chairs along the set of panels and was scanning over the controls. Belle picked the seat beside of her, recognizing few of the actual devices but able to make something of the computer readings. The technology was the same as the rest of Destiny’s systems, but while Belle had a good handle on it, she wasn’t at anywhere near the level that it might take to fly this ship.

And suddenly she realized the reason for Dr. Perry’s presence.

“I need you to pilot, Mandy.” She said slowly, turning to the woman beside her. Amanda raised her eyebrows, surprised.

“By myself?!”

“No!” Belle shook her head. “I can co-pilot and track the readings from the engines, but I don’t have any idea what any of this does. If you give me a run-down, I can help, but I don’t know the technology like you do.” Mandy stared blankly for a moment, and then gave a shaky nod.

“Ok.”

X

In hindsight, no one was actually sure what had happened after that, or at least not in what order. With Eli’s help, Dr. Rush and Colonel Young were able to jump across to the ship, where Nicholas endured all manner of questioning and temper tantrums regarding Destiny’s bridge. One of these temper tantrums was from Belle and Mandy, actually, but it was more over concern for his safety than anything.

It still bothered her that he was trying to keep secrets, but she’d kept that to herself for now. Things would play out one way or another, and then they would see. Amanda’s presence made her more and more uneasy the longer she stayed, the more time she spent with Nicholas. Belle thought it was probably silly, something she should brush off, some kind of petty jealousy that wasn’t even necessary. 

Amanda was here for now, and she might be spending a few hours with him, but it was _Belle_ that spent every night in his bed. It was Belle that would comfort him when his nightmares relapsed, would sit through every single conundrum he might talk his way around in circles, would keep him from burning himself out every sixty hours. It was Belle that was indifferent to his temper, was conscious of how his left hand shook when he was panicked or scared, was never afraid to shoot his own medicine back at him. It was Belle who knew how he felt, knew how it cut to be the one left behind, be the one lost and alone, trying to find your way through the dark. Together they were still lost, but they weren’t alone, and sometimes if you really looked, you could see that they might just be halfway out of the dark.

Nicholas and Belle were opposites in their most basic extremes- frantic and calm, grounded and dreaming, anger and sadness- and that was possibly why they fit so well. The one thing that was evident in both of them, however, was strength. They were the rocks, the people who were strong for other people, though not in the same way. Belle was the calming presence, the one who cries when no one is watching and tells you they’re fine the second you see. Nicholas was the callous authority, the one who knew what needed to be done from a cold, rational standpoint, and would save emotions for a time when they could be spared. 

Then came the day when their strength failed.

The day that Amanda and Ginn were killed.

 

X

Nicholas managed to save them, though their physical forms didn’t survive the encounter. He literally saved them, preserved their consciousness in the Destiny’s computer systems, roaming the ship as holograms.

She didn’t talk to the hologram version of Amanda too often, though she knew Eli and Ginn still kept up a friendship, and she assumed that Nicholas still talked to Mandy sometimes. Belle didn’t mind, though- it was stupid to be jealous any longer. There wasn’t any room for doubting Nicholas, especially not now, when he needed her most.

This was why it wasn’t healthy for him to be so closed up- when his emotions ran so high that they overflowed his carefully constructed floodwalls, things went wrong fast. He refused to tell Belle what exactly had happened on the planet, but she could guess. Everyone could guess, but it seemed like his barrier was higher than ever now, and she wasn’t strong enough to break it down.

He threw himself into his work, refusing to talk to almost anyone and becoming angry at even the slightest provocation. Camille wondered why he wasn’t pleased with himself- he would be happy to live a life like that if it was him, wandering Destiny’s systems for all eternity. Belle knew better- she knew the sting of loneliness that Amanda and Ginn might feel wandering the data banks, knew how even the slightest glimpse of Amanda would remind him that he had brought her onto this ship. He had _asked_ her here, and in return she’d lost her life.

More than anything Nicholas blamed himself for Amanda’s death, and because of it he was pushing everyone away from him. 

Belle went back to keeping him on a strict sleeping schedule, enduring the brunt of his complaints and his screaming, making sure he still tried to eat something and generally relapsing back into what their relationship had been like before the airlock incident.

She went back to sleeping in her own bed some nights, though Nicholas didn’t know it because he was up late working. Not that there was much of a defined night or day on Destiny, but time was time and sleep was sleep. Amanda’s death had driven some invisible wedge between them, and it was impossible to get rid of it or ignore it or whatever you were supposed to do with these things. It just sat there, an all too visible skeleton in the closet, and Belle found herself thinking more and more of home, and her sisters, and a normal life. 

_Normal. Ha. Normal is relative_ , Belle thought. Her life had never been normal per say, but it was preferable to murder, even if it meant she traveled among the stars this way. All her life she had wanted a chance like this, and it was true that she’d thought she wanted to go home before, but it was nothing like this. As she lay on the sheets in her darkened bedroom, for the first time since they arrived on the Destiny, Belle truly found herself wishing to go home, and damn what anyone else thought. She loved her family, even if Amy was an irresponsible drug addict and her father blissfully ignorant. She wanted to see Charlotte and the twins, tell them about everything going on here, and see them in her own body. Belle was actually the only member of Destiny who had yet to use the stones, and she never planned to. She sent messages to her family through home world command when it came to be her turn, exchanging letters rather than speaking through someone else. It seemed to make things more real that way.

Or possibly less real…

Either way, something about not seeing their faces made it easier, mad it feel less like losing them.

Loss was something that Belle could take silently and with dignity, because she’d been through it enough, but that didn’t make it any easier. Now she was losing Nicholas, could feel him slipping away from her every moment, and she couldn’t do a damn thing about it no matter what she tried.

A tear rolled down her cheek, but she swallowed the rest and breathed deeply to quiet herself. She may be able to take the loss silently among other, but alone was another story, and she didn’t think she could take living every day and watching it happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next chapter will actually be something that I sink my teeth into. I swear.  
> It WILL be Twin Destinies.  
> I basically forgot entirely about the entire arc surrounding The Greater Good until I realized that there was a lot of time lapsing between those two incidents, so basically I'm dragging my feet a bit, and I apologize.


	6. Tick Tock (Twin Destinies)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this has been so long in the making. I... well, I'm not even going to try to make excuses. I'm just sorry.

This definitely chalked up to one of the strangest things that Dr. Rush had ever experienced, but he was doing his best not to show it. If he wanted to look anything akin to stable, he couldn’t show surprise at this. 

After all, it wasn’t often you got the chance to talk to yourself in person.

“Tell them not to dial earth- if they go through with it they’re all going to die.” The voice came through. Belle shot Nicholas a look, but he wasn’t paying attention. It sounded like Nicholas- even his just-do-it-because-I-said-so manner was the same as he explained his theory: time travel. 

Now, time travel was something that Belle had looked into in her university days, and it was all too possible in the situation that they were in, but she wasn’t about to make that point just now. Let Nick and Young hash it out, and she’d step in when she needed to.

“And we’re just supposed to believe you?” Colonel Young asked. The man on the radio sighed.

“When we dropped out of FTL, you asked me for a number. I told you ten plus two.” The Rush on Destiny stared at Colonel Young. There was only one choice, it seemed.

They had to let him aboard.

 

X

 

When Belle received the call to the infirmary, she’d run there as fast as possible. Nicholas hadn’t been out on a planet lately, but it was entirely possible that something could still be horribly wrong. She would be the first person they would call in that case, even now, when things between them were standing on shaky ground at best.

Not that she should care.

Should she?

The recent run-in with the droid ships had forced them to work closely together again, but it had thankfully been with Brody and Eli also present. Nothing could get too emotional with them around. There had been one moment, though…

She’d been working with an inactive drone. They brought one on board to try to recode them to attack the other group of drones, but in order to upload the code the drones had to come online, including the one in the room she was working in. It had only lasted a few seconds, but after it was said and done Nicholas had been down the hallway in even less time, looking in the room to check if everyone was alright. His eyes found her gaze for one moment, and she thought he might have smiled a little, but then he was off again. 

Against everything she knew, she had to wonder if he was checking on her… but the sound of yells from around the corner shook her from her thoughts.  
When she arrived at the infirmary she was out of breath, heading straight for the crowd of three or four in the back corner of the room. 

“What’s wrong?!” she asked, calming when she saw that Nicholas was in the crowd watching and not on the bed. Everyone simply stared at her as she walked forward, finally getting a view of…

Nicholas?

But he was- and then he was- _what_? Her eyes flicked back and forth. The man sitting on one of TJ’s infirmary bed looked exactly like Nicholas, save a burn on his right cheek that Tamara was covering with a bandage. He looked at her in a mixture of awe and relief.

“Belle.” His voice was soft, unsteady. “You’re alive.” She glanced over at the other Nicholas, who was staring at the ground, avoiding her eyes. The man with the burn stood, reaching out to her gingerly, as if uncertain she would allow him to touch her. She didn’t move, shock freezing her. His fingers brushed her shoulder, then her cheek, like he didn’t think she was solid.

“Who are you?” Belle managed to fumble out. He looked positively abashed, and slowly let his hand drop to his side.

“He’s me.” The Nick from behind her came up to explain, looking sheepish. “Well, sort of me. He’s me from the future who came back to warn us of our impending doom.”

Ok, for now she would just go with it. In many ways Belle had found that it was best to ignore the fact that something was theoretically impossible (even if she’d toyed with the possibility in her research) and just go with it. Valuable time would be lost if you actually tried to process what you were doing.

“But that’s good, yeah?” Belle asked, unable to take her eyes off the man that TJ was now tending to. “I mean, averting impending doom always seems like a good idea to me.”

“That’s generally appropriate, yes. But… why don’t you let me tell you what happened?”

 

X

 

There was no point in telling them what they already knew- systems were failing and even though it was probably suicide to stay, Dr. Rush didn’t want to leave. He’d presented his plan, even gathered a few volunteers (Belle among them, he tried not to think), more than necessary to keep the ship running.

And then Telford had stepped in.

In hindsight, he couldn’t say if he’d really been trying to kill them, but that was certainly what it looked like.

Only one had made it through.

Only _one_.

All those people, dead. Dead because they listened to the whims of a boy who didn’t know what his calculations meant. And in the back of his mind the thought rang clear: Dead because he had put them on this ship in the first place. Somewhere inside him he felt responsible- always would feel responsible for anyone who died on this mission. He tried to push it away, but it was his fault they were here. At the end of the day, he couldn’t deny that.

The gate opened, and the ship had virtually gone critical from the power drain. The only choice was to push everyone through the gate- the only chance for survival, much like when they first came to the ship.

Someone had to stay to maintain the connection. It was only right it be him, and he told them that. What he didn’t tell them was what happened right before the gate closed. 

_“I’m not leaving you here!”_

_“Oh, yes you are.” He continued fiddling with the connection, trying to keep it stable._

_“You stupid man-”_

_“You have to go- listen to me!” he gripped her shoulders firmly, attempting to get his point across. “If you go you have a chance. If you stay here you’re going to die, and I’m not about to let that happen.”_

_“I’m not leaving you to die, Nicholas.” Her expression was so pained that he almost yielded. Almost._

_“One of this is going to survive this, and it’s not going to be me. Belle…” he turned away for a only a second, just long enough to pull her into a kiss. When they stepped apart there were tears in her eyes._

_“I love you, Nicholas.” She reached up to stroke his cheek, like she was memorizing his features. The alarms wailed, but they seemed distant for the moment._

_“Then go.”_

She’d kissed him then, one last time, long enough to make him dizzy and breathless and wonder if the systems were still running properly when she turned and ran for the gate. It was only after she was gone that he realized he’d never told her…

But then he had other things to check- to see if they had gotten through and if everyone was alright. Only then did he find that Colonel Telford alone had survived, and only then had he risked piloting the shuttle. He only confirmed the jump back in time when he saw the second Destiny, and here he was now, sitting with the crew in the bridge, next to Belle. He still couldn’t quite get over that bit.

“So that’s the story?” she asked, turning to him.

“Yes.”

“What do we do now? It’s obvious that the jump didn’t work-” Belle was beginning to ramble through a train of thought that might eventually land somewhere useful, but she was cut off mid-sentence.

“We use what went wrong the last time to fix it this time around.” Camille said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You want to risk the lives of everyone on this ship a second time?” Future Rush stood indignantly.

“Well, what would you propose we do?” Camille rolled her eyes. “The ship is collapsing- we’re losing crucial systems, and there isn’t any hope for repairs after that droid attack. If we stay, we die.”

“Not necessarily.” Present Rush glanced at his double. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“I think I am.”

“Ok, you two are going to have way too much fun with this.” Belle sighed. “Spit it out.”

“We return to the second Destiny and salvage what we can.” Present Rush said.

“I don’t see how food and supplies is going to help us now-” Telford started to argue, but he was stopped by Brody running in the doors.

“No, no, no!” Brody seemed out of breath for some reason- had he really run all the way from the bridge? “He doesn’t mean food and supplies- I mean, food and supplies would be good, but we don’t need that like we need the spare parts!”

“So you’re planning on going on board and salvaging parts from one Destiny to fix the other one?” Belle asked, just for clarification. Both Rush counterparts nodded.

“If all goes well there won’t be any need to dial again.” Future Rush raised his eyebrows, asking an unspoken question. Belle rubbed her eyes with a groan.

“Dr. Rush, you are aware of the fact that I worked on a paradox theory, right?” She was clearly worried.

“I thought you worked on space travel theories.” Colonel Young shifted his gaze, confused. 

“She worked on time travel first.” The present Rush was half smiling. If she didn’t know better, she’d say he looked almost proud. “They go hand in hand.”

“So what’s the issue?” The Colonel sounded exasperated. It was one thing to have a brilliant scientist on board. It was another thing entirely to have two brilliant scientists, a boy genius, and the doppelganger of the most obnoxious of the three within walking distance.

“The issue is that if this goes wrong it could possibly… I don’t know. I wouldn’t go quite so far as to say ‘rip a hole in time and space’ but we don’t know how this is going to behave.”

“I think you’ve been watching too much Doctor Who.” Camille scoffed, but future Rush glared.

“It’s a perfectly reasonable theory, Camille. Her research is completely sound- more so than Eli’s about dialing the gate was, actually.”

“So you realize this could possibly do something that’ll kill us all anyways?” Belle wasn’t comfortable with this plan at all.

“Possibly.” Future Rush shrugged. “But look on the bright side- what time travel researcher ever gets the chance to test their theories?” Belle shot him a look, but remained silent. Several seconds passed before anyone spoke again as they all turned over the plan in their minds, weighing possibilities.

“Seems like a good plan to me.” Young said, shrugging. 

“Colonel-”

“Tell me what we’ve got to lose, Camille.” He turned, directing the full force of his argument at her. “If we don’t go, we die. If we go and die, well… we would have died anyways.” 

Camille was silent.

“I think he should come with us.” Telford said, gesturing to the future Dr. Rush. 

“I agree.” His counterpart nodded.

“I don’t know about that.” Young said, holding up a hand. “His injuries would slow him down.”

“He knows which systems are intact. It would save a lot of time.” Telford pointed out. After a very short debate, it was agreed that both versions of Dr. Rush should go onto the ship with the crew to salvage parts.

“I’m coming, too.” Belle said suddenly. Every head in the room turned in her direction.

“No.” Future Rush shook his head. “You’re not going.”

“And why not?” She was utterly indignant. This was the kind of tense, snippy relationship they’d had at the beginning of their time on Destiny. “I can help, you know I can.”

“The ship is unstable.” The present Rush remained silent, but his double was absolutely adamant.

“I’ve been in unstable situations before-”

“Not like this.” 

“That’s no reason-”

“ _I watched you die once today!_ ” Rush roared, voice echoing in the metal room. Belle jumped back, her expression abruptly changing. “I won’t risk that happening again.”

A thousand thoughts flicked through her mind, but none stayed long enough for Belle to get a grip on. 

“Okay.”

 

X

 

She was pacing. 

TJ had tried to calm her down, but it wasn’t working. Ever since the crew left to salvage parts, she’d been alright… and then they had come back.

Nicholas wasn’t with them by the time she made it to the gate room.

For hours she’d been turning the past day over and over in her mind. The past weeks, really. Everything about her relationship with Nicholas had completely backslidden, and there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop it at the time. 

She didn’t want it to happen. Neither one of them had wanted it, or so she wanted to believe. They were just under so much stress, and no matter how much she reached out to him he just kept pushing her back…

After a while you got tired of it.

After a while you just didn’t have the strength to push back.

They went back to calling each other Dr. Rush and Dr. French, even when they were alone. Meetings were confined to strictly confined to working together in the bridge or passing in the hallways, and they generally kept to different shifts to avoid even that.

It was bad enough going through a breakup, but a breakup on a confined ship? Almost unbearable. Everyone had looked at her with those pitying expressions, almost like they had when Rush disappeared, but the only people who had ever talked to her about it had been Eli and Chloe. Troubling times show you who your real friends are.

“Belle, stop.” Eli came up beside her, placing his hands on her upper arms to hold her steady in front of him. “He’s going to be fine, ok? He’s going to be fine.”  
Belle bit her lip and sucked in a jagged breath, giving in entirely when Eli pulled her in for a hug. She was breaking down I the middle of the gate room, with almost the entire ship around, and somehow that was ok. Not once in their time apart had she ever cried, not for herself or for Nicholas. Somehow tears made it real.

There was a splashing noise, and then the sound of the gate shutting off. She kept her face buried in Eli’s shoulder, afraid to look. There was so much loss on this ship…

A touch on her shoulder made her lift her head, just a little. Eli loosened his grip and she turned, slowly, to see Nicholas Rush staring down at her. Belle had just enough time to register that he was alright before he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. She gave in for a minute… but as soon as she realized what was going on she promptly slapped him.

“What was that for?” He rubbed his cheek, indignant.

“I thought I told you not to go gallivanting off and make me think you were dead.” 

Rush let out a relieved sigh, hugging her close, until he realized that the rest of the room had dropped into a stunned silence and was staring at them. 

“We’ve got things to talk about.” Nicholas whispered. He grabbed her hand and pulled her down the hallway, back towards the bridge. He didn’t know why he went there rather than one of their quarters, but perhaps it seemed a more neutral ground.

“What happened on that ship?” Belle asked, searching his eyes. “Where’s the other you?”

“He’s not coming back. His own choice… but he told me something important before he left.”

_Two versions of Dr. Nicholas Rush stood staring at the damaged ship around them._

_“So now you’re trying to decide if you’re going to sit in that chair.”_

_“Wouldn’t you, in my place?”_

_“I don’t know.”_

_The future Rush, dirty and injured, sat in the chair, ready to take whatever chance he had. There was no place for him now, not any more. He did, however, have one message left._

_“Tell her you love her.”_

_“What?” The present Rush, the one about to go back to life and future and Belle, looked over at his double._

_“Tell. Belle. You. Love. Her.” He clarified. “Tell her for me, because after Mandy’s death I never got the chance.” Rush looked over, shaking his head._

_“She doesn’t want me. We’ve been apart for two months now, not even a word-”_

_“When she went through the gate… she wasn’t going to go. She was going to stay. That’s how much she loves you- don’t forget that. She knew she was going to die if she stayed, and she wasn’t going to leave me behind to die. Same Belle, Rush. The sane one is waiting for you back on that ship, except this time you’d better fix things. Don’t make me waste my breath on this.”_

_“I will.”_

“I don’t want to lose you. I know I’ve been distant and horrible and I’ve pushed you away, but I’m asking you to please… please forgive me.” Nicholas Rush was anything but humble, and Belle knew it. Stopping down and apologizing like this was something incredibly meaningful for him, but… 

“Nicholas, being in a relationship means going through things together. We’re going to get through it, but you have to trust me. I can’t take losing you over and over again because you’re the only one-”

“I love you.” He blurted, reaching up to cradle her face in his hand. “I love you, Belle, and I’ve been stupid and blind. We’re in this together.”  
Belle nodded slowly, hugging him close just because she could. It was wonderful to know that again- to know that your comfort and friendship wouldn’t be rejected when it once was welcomed with open arms.

“Don’t make me slap you again, alright?” she mumbled into his shoulder.

“Not a chance.”


End file.
